5 Truths, 2 Lies {An SQT Game}

Do you know how to play 2 truths and 1 lie? Someone makes three statements about him/herself and the other player needs to figure which two are true and which is a lie.  Let’s play that, times 2ish, because Friday = 7 Quick Takes and it’s been a very odd week.

Here’s how we play: I’m going to tell you about 7 events, and before you scroll down, make a mental guess of which 2 statements aren’t true. Tell me in the comments if you guessed correctly.

  1. Zeke was stung by a bee in the mouth.
  2. Rosalie is walking.
  3. Zeke went on the Goliath roller coaster at Magic Mountain.
  4. Zeke tripped while holding a glass bowl and it shattered in his hands.
  5. Rosalie ate a shard of glass.
  6. Rosalie ate her own feces.
  7. A bottle of wine went through a cycle in the washing machine.

{Final Jeopardy theme song}

Here!  Look at a cute bebe while you ponder the chaos of my life:

SONY DSC

1. Zeke was stung by a bee in the mouth. TRUE

Yesterday we met our friends from Korea at the beach. The waves were pretty big and breaking right at the shore, where poor Zeke tripped and was clobbered by a massive wave, first thing.  He was not happy about it.  Fast forward 20 minutes, I’ve finally calmed him down and gotten him a snack.  He walks up to me with that silent-scream-purple-face pointing to his mouth.  I look inside and see a fully intact stinger. Yanked that sucker right out, but it took another 20 minutes, a cup of ice from a nearby family, and a silly story about a starfish named Sam and a dolphin named Dolly to calm him down again. (Nearby family, you really are the best.  Thank you.)

Aliso Beach County Park

Aliso Beach County Park

2. Rosalie is walking. FALSE

Rosalie is not walking.  Yet.  She IS, however, pulling herself up to standing and even letting go.

Mama is not amused. Stop growing, little baby!

SONY DSC

3. Zeke went on the Goliath roller coaster at Magic Mountain. FALSE

Zeke did not go on Goliath.  (Goliath is actually closed so none of us did.)  He did, however, go on Ninja.  [Hashtag 42 inches tall by a haaaaair]  Mama was so proud.

Zeke on roller coaster

Like I said.  By a hair.

4. Zeke tripped while holding a glass bowl and it shattered in his hands. TRUE

Today I was reading aloud to the kids and it was going as it usually does: with rainbow unicorns braiding our hair while my children sat calmly with their hands folded in their laps and eyes intently on me.

{record scratch}

Today I was reading aloud to the kids and it was going as it usually does: someone was hungry, someone else wanted met to read a different book, and yet another person wanted to nurse AND rip pages out of the book.

Anyhoo, Zeke was walking around with a bowl of pears.  (Against our usual policy but he was sick and hadn’t eaten all morning, so I made an exception.) At some point he tried to put on my flip flops, tripped, and shattered the bowl.  Inches from Rosalie.  Not even exaggerating.  It’s a minor miracle that all Zeke got were two small cuts and Rosie was completely unscathed.  For the moment. {dunh dunh duuuuunnnnhh}

5. Rosalie ate a shard of glass. TRUE

Okay, this is the only take that truly brought me to honest-to-goodness tears, so please, be gentle and not judgy.  I’m looking at you, Judgy McJudgerton.

So after the bowl debacle of Take #4, I swept.  I vaccumed.  I swept again.  And I did a visual scan, riiiight down at floor level to make sure there were no remaining shards.  We have a crawler in the house, you know?

About an hour later, I was sitting on the floor of the living room with Rosalie playing nearby.  The other kids were in their beds reading for Quiet Time (aka Mom’s Sanity Time) when the baby crawled up to me with a smile.  “What’s that red stuff on your face, Rosie?  Did you find a berry?”  Suddenly I see a glint of something in her mouth and she begins to cry.

Blood.  Glass.  IN HER MOUTH.

I honestly almost threw up.  Somehow I fished the glass out without causing too too much damage, but Lord Almighty.  Either her guardian angel is working overtime or not at all.  I can’t figure out which.

(No photos.  You are welcome.)

6. Rosalie ate her own feces. uuuuummmmm TRUE

Last week, Rosie was crawling around naked for I swear 3 whole minutes.  All of the sudden I hear her make a gagging noise.  Before I look at her though, I look at the floor.  Ew. Poop.  “Kevin! Can you come help me clean this up?  I need to put a diaper on… oh holy crap.”

Poop.  ON HER FACE. And a hilarious expression that said, ‘What is that and why would you let me eat it?’

7. A bottle of wine went through a cycle in the washing machine.

Was that embarassing enough, young progeny?  Are your future selves already in therapy for the embarrassment I have caused thee? Sorrrrrrrrry.

How about a story about me?  We arrived home on Sunday, and Monday afternoon I took the garbage bag of dirty laundry straight from my suitcase to the washing machine and dumped it in.  45 minutes later (or 4 hours, but who’s counting?) I went back, and as I was moving the load to the dryer I noticed scraps of paper.  A lot of them.  About halfway through the transfer I looked at a slightly larger scrap and noticed it looked an awful lot like…

the label from the FULL wine bottle I had put in the laundry bag for safe travelling.

Yeah. I did that.  (Honestly, this is my 7th crazy take.  Are you really surprised?)

Guess what I found at the bottom of the washing machine?  A full, if naked, bottle of cabernet.  Shaken, not stirred.

Alright, enough with the freak show.  What was YOUR parenting low of the week?

Be sure to head on over to Kelly @ This Ain’t the Lyceum for more timely takes. I’m quite certain you’ll find some better parents there too.

Besitos, amigos!

Comments

  1. oh my goodness! Sounds like you have had a crazy week!!! Thank goodness it’s just about Saturday!! Here’s to hoping your weekend is more relaxing. 🙂

  2. I freakin’ love this post! Hope your weekend is better! Love you.

  3. My not yet 9 month old IS walking. And while I am super happy for her… I cried too.
    Madeline recently posted…Some Stories to TellMy Profile

  4. Oh Micaela!! This week for you! So tough! Poor Zeke and rosalie! I feel for you and honestly have had a similar two weeks over here. Since coming home from vacation too! what is it about coming home from somewhere?? Pray your weekend is better and I’m amazed that bottle of wine survived the wash! Now get some sangria mix and make something yummy!
    Amanda recently posted…Where I’ve been: Love and Bumps, Bumps and LoveMy Profile

  5. What a crazy week! Hope this week is a lot calmer, with no bees or glass or poop eating.

  6. Okay, what I want to know is… Is the wine still good?

    Also, babies and glass!!! That’s like, my nightmare… How scary!!!
    Rosie recently posted…What I Wore, What I Made, What They DidMy Profile

  7. Wow, these are awesome. Well, #5 isn’t. But #7 really is. I like this fun twist on 7QT. 🙂
    Ronni @ The Screenwriter’s Wife recently posted…How I Don’t Use Hormonal Birth Control (or, What Is Natural Family Planning?)My Profile