Why we don’t sleep train

Let me begin this possibly controversial post by saying that many, if not most, of my friends sleep train their babies.  As you read this, you’ll see that I am passionate about this issue, but I also respect that others make a different choice.  This post isn’t written to stand in judgment of those who use some form of sleep training, but rather as an encouragement to a mom who may feel torn.  I was that mom 9 years ago.  I wanted so badly to make the right choice for my family, and I felt blessed to have encountered other moms who inspired me to make the best choice for our family.


In our house, there is no crying it out.  There is no leaving a baby alone for any length of time, actually, unless she’s asleep.  There isn’t even a bona fide crib.

Shocking, I know.

In our house, there is a mini pack-n-play that is currently used as storage for diapers and burp cloths.  (Yes, we need that many burp cloths.  She’s a regular ol’ Vesuvius, this one.)  There’s a king-sized bed that holds two grown up people and one tiny person.  In the early light of day, sometimes one or two more smallish people might sneak in.  It is a very comfortable bed, after all.

FB cover

It wasn’t always this way.  Long ago, 5 babies ago to be exact, Kevin and I spent more money on nursery furniture than we had previously spent on the furniture for the whole rest of our house.  A glider, a changing table/dresser with a hutch, and a verrrrrry fancy crib set the scene for tiny Gianna when she came home from the hospital.

Little did I know.  Gianna has always had pretty strong opinions about things.  As a baby, she let me know fairly early on that there would be none of this crib sleeping business.  Nurse her, lay her down, tiptoe out, sit down on couch, baby cries, rinse and repeat.  Every night.  Until I went to bed and brought her with me, the longest stretch I would get was 30 minutes without her in my arms.

I knew I didn’t want to listen to my baby cry.  It went against every instinct in my body, and I knew those instincts were there for a reason.  The months dragged on, though, and I tried every “gentle” approach on the market.  They all failed and I began to despair.  All my friends had babies who slept.*  All my friends could leave their kids with grandparents and have a night out.  I didn’t even bother.  I mean, my baby refused a bottle at daycare for 4 long hours, every single day, and waited for me to come on my lunch break and nurse her.  Every. Day.

When Gianna was 9 months old, we found out we were pregnant again.  I’m embarrassed to admit it, but I sat down and wept bitterly.  I was so tired, so worn out, at the end of such a frayed rope I couldn’t imagine holding on.  Throw another baby into my arms and I would lose my grip altogether.

I decided then and there that all that gentle parenting crap was just a lot of hooey, and by golly, my 9 month old was going to learn to sleep on her own if it was the last thing I did.  I picked one of those dreaded sleep training books off my shelf and we made a plan.  But again, Gianna didn’t follow the plan.  Hours of crying.  Hours of crying every night.  It’ll get better, the book said.  Just a few days, my friends said.

But it didn’t get better.  After nearly 2 weeks of hours of nightly crying, I realized that somewhere along the way, my heart had closed off to my child.  Her cries didn’t affect me anymore.  I had lost compassion and empathy for her to the point of feeling annoyed when she bumped her head or frustrated when she cried to nurse.  I started to feel a little frightened by my own indifference.  But I still persisted with the desperate hope that once she just “got” it, we’d all sleep better and I would become the mom I knew I was deep down.

The most disturbing effect of all came when after 2 solid weeks of sleep training with zero positive results, I sat down to play with my daughter, and she wouldn’t look me in the eye.  She didn’t smile or clap or play pattycake.  She didn’t want me to tickle her or read her a book.  She turned her back on me over and over.  All day this behavior went on, and my heart broke.

That very day, we stopped sleep training.  I told Kevin, “I can live on no sleep.  I cannot live with a broken relationship.”

It took only a few days to reestablish trust with my baby girl.  It took a couple more months to get her into any kind of reliable sleep pattern.  (Thank you, husband, for taking over that role.)

I’ve never sleep trained any of my other kids.  To be honest, there are moments when I wish I could.  I wish life, and parenting, was as easy as the books make it sound.  I wish I could shut off after 8 p.m. and not deal with any children until after I’ve had my morning coffee.  But babies are inconvenient.  Babies are needy and fussy and difficult and unpredictable.

Then again, so am I.  And she, sweet baby that she is, lets me sleep next to her every day and awakens me with a smile and a snuggle.  I guess I can reciprocate.


*I’ve since come to believe that sleep is sort of like the greener grass.  It sure seems like everyone else is getting more than you, but that may not be the case.


The nitty-gritty on how we manage:

~We do not use a baby monitor.  Our house is small and I hear the baby as soon as she cries a real cry.  I think a big part of the issue with Gianna was that by using a monitor I would hear her sleep noises and rush in, even if she wasn’t actually awake.

~We do use a sound machine to block out noise.  Sometimes it seems like I have to turn the volume up to “airplane tarmac” level to do so, but it makes a difference.

~We swaddle (at night only) for the first few months.  It seems to help quite a bit.

~We try to set a routine. Not a schedule, but a routine where baby knows what to expect.  It’s difficult with all of our obligations, but we do our best.

~At various ages and stages:

  • Infancy through about 14 months: baby sleeps in our bed at night.  Naps may be in our bed, a pack-n-play, or on a futon in our room when he/she gets mobile.  We are careful to follow safe co-sleeping practices, especially when baby is very small.
  • Around 14-17 months: we night wean using the Dr. Jay Gordon method.  It has worked for us with all 4 children that we’ve used it with, but twice we did realize the baby wasn’t ready so we stopped and tried again a month later.
  • After night weaning: if sleeping is going well and there isn’t another baby around, we generally let the little one continue to co-sleep.  This all depends on whether we are all sleeping well, though.  If not, we typically move them out of our bed and into a shared room with another sibling.  Oftentimes we start them off by sharing a bed with an older sibling.


Aren’t you exhausted?

Sometimes, yes.  Honestly though, that’s more my fault than the baby’s.  I tend to stay up way too late.  Sleeping with a baby is second nature to me, and unless there is some extenuating circumstance, I sleep right through nursing sessions and get a decent amount of rest for the time I’m actually in bed.

Do you worry about your baby manipulating you?

No.  Unequivocally and without question: No no no.  Infants cannot manipulate.  They do not have the cognitive skill to do so.  When they cry, it is because they need something.  Comfort, food, whatever it is, it is real to him/her.  Manipulation has nothing to do with it.

Do you worry that they won’t ever sleep through the night?

I have 5 kids and 4 of them sleep well.  Because of that, I’m much more at peace with this than I used to be.  However, 2 of my 4 big kids took longer to sleep well at night.  They’re needier kids by nature, and while I don’t really enjoy that, I know that this parenting gig is actually a 24-hour job, every single day.  So we handle it and pray for it to pass.

I could never do that.

That’s not a question, but that’s alright.  😉 I hear you.  Some people are very light sleepers and having a baby in their room is disturbing and overwhelming.  I don’t think that it necessarily means you have to go to the extreme other end of the spectrum, though.  I know plenty of people who sleep in a different room than their baby and yet they respond when the baby cries.  It builds the same trust.


I know that my experience with Gianna is not a universal one.  Many children cry for a short time for a few nights and seem to learn to soothe themselves to sleep.  I’m not entirely sure it’s as simple as all that, but I’m also not so emotional that we made all of our sleep decisions based on that one experience.  There’s a wealth of research on child development and infant attachment that influenced us as well.  Erik Erikson’s stages of development, ancient practices as well as practices in other cultures, plus brain development and research on the mother-baby bond are all supportive of co-sleeping/responding to children’s cries.  Shoot me an email if you’d like more information or you can check out Dr. Sear’s The Baby Sleep Bookor Elizabeth Pantley’s The No-Cry Sleep Solution.


  1. Thank you for writing this, Michaela. Well done. (Though I don’t think I could live without a monitor but maybe our house is more muffled…plus I like to go outside when baby is sleeping and *try* to get a break! Love that invention!)
    Mary @ Better Than Eden recently posted…The Floating Built-In Kitchen BenchMy Profile

  2. You did a great job with a controverisal subject!! We’ve never sleep trained either, for a lot of the reasons you mentioned. But also just because co-sleeping is easy and natural for me as is nurisng to sleep. It doesn’t really bother me, so I never saw any reason to change what is working.
    Amelia @ One Catholic Mama recently posted…We got all fancy and moved!!My Profile

    • Thanks, Amelia. It works for us too. And when it stops working (at a little over a year) we make some adjustments and move on. 🙂

  3. Our kids have transitioned to their cribs between 6-8 months, but my m has always said you can’t spoil a child under a year. 🙂
    Annery recently posted…Infertility: What I No Longer FearMy Profile

    • My mom always said the same thing. I think my mom is an amazing mix of attachment parent and disciplinarian. Hopefully I learned a little something from her.

  4. So funny since we just started and I just wrote about it. Only my version of “sleep training” means not on me in her own crib. That is all. Every single cry is responded too just need to be able to put her down and reclaim my evenings. And I hate cosleeping. Not the concept. Just for me. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen but I get no sleep so it isn’t really cosleeping at all if that makes sense. But I totally get that decent cosleep is possible and probably nice in the right circumstances.
    Madeline recently posted…Happy 5 Months!My Profile

    • Sleep is on the tired mama-brains, huh?

      I totally get that you hate c-osleeping. I have a couple of good friends who really want to be able to co-sleep but they are miserably tired from waking up at every noise.

  5. Thanks so much for your post. I read it during the bleary-eyed early morning feed of my 5 mo daughter, and it was much comfort as I’ve been trying to figure out if I want to embrace cosleeping 100%. We have a cosleeper that has worked out great–as new parents we had to get used to the idea of sleeping with baby, especially my husband. He was really worried at first but has warmed up to the idea (and enjoyed more peaceful sleep now!) However, now that I have been trying to transition baby from a swaddle, she doesn’t sleep as well in the cosleeper, thus being in bed more with us. I’m wondering if you have any tips for transitioning from a swaddle? I tried a couple months ago without luck, so am only now just trying again. We started with one arm out and she still wakes herself up. I don’t want to keep her swaddled too long as I think I’ve read that nightime movement is important for development, right? Also, one more question: how do you get baby to sleep (in your bed or otherwise) before you go to sleep yourself? I’ve been having to go back in there anywhere from 5 to 30 minutes several times (and sometimes repeatedly until my own bedtime) before I can finally take that oh-too-short evening respite. Anyway, sorry for the super long comment/question. Your post came at just the right time–thank you!

    • Oh, the swaddle transition. It is something awful, at least for certain babies. My little goose has started getting one arm out by the time I go to bed at night, so maybe she will just figure it out herself? I’d stick with the one arm out for a couple weeks and then when she seems to be startling less, try the other one? Another big help is when they are strong enough to lift up their torso and/or crawl, I begin to allow them to sleep on their stomachs. Babies, IMO, much prefer to sleep on their tummies and startle much less.

      As for the waking up when you leave, I would take a look at Elizabeth Pantley’s The No-Cry Sleep Solution. The trick that helped me the most was not letting baby fall completely asleep nursing. So you let her nurse until she is in light sleep and then unlatch her (there’s a pretty cool trick in the book) and then pat her back or shush her until she settles. It often takes a few tries, but it is worth the extra time and it gets easier over time as baby gets used to it. That is the technique that helped us more than anything else.

  6. We followed a similar path, Micaela, though we never tried sleep training. I was fortunate to have like-minded friends when my babies were small, and I never felt like there was a possible better way for us. My babies slept in our king sized bed with us, and when they got displaced by the next baby, they slept in a twin bed pushed up against our king. At around four years old, the transitioned into another room, and siblings slept in a bed togehter for a very long time. We never night-weaned, though. Two toddlers weaned when I was pregnant with the next, and two were politely told at three that it was time to stop. It was just all very natural for us. Yes, I was tired, but I napped as much as possible, and then I blinked and we had a couple of teenagers and a couple of big kids and a huge bed all to ourselves, and I’m not so tired anymore. I loved those years of sharing sleep with my babies!

    • I know I will miss it someday too. Of course, it’s hard to remember that when you’re tired, but still, I know it’s true. 🙂

    • I love that you had the confidence to just do that. And your kids are so wonderfully well-adjusted, I’ve got no doubts you did the right thing for you.

    • “…and I’m not so tired anymore.” Those words are hope to my bleary-eyed, sleep-deprived soul!! With three boys (nearly 6, 3.5, and nearly 2), the last of whom is still breastfeeding FULL time (3-5x a day and 2+ times at night–but can’t tell for sure as after the second one he’s back in bed with me so I sleep through most after that), and the second of whom rarely sleeps through the night, we are exhausted. Holding out hope that we will indeed have our bed back to ourselves one day, and making the most of sweet little cuddles in the meantime…
      Elisabeth recently posted…Mind Organization for Moms (M.O.M.)–Initial Thoughts and ReactionsMy Profile

  7. Thank you, thank you, thank you for writing this. My 20 month old still wakes at night and I continue to go in to him. He sleeps on a twin mattress on the floor now in the room next to ours – he slept in our room until 10 months. Once he wakes, I go in and usually spend the rest of the night with him. Some nights that happens at 10 pm. Some nights it is as 3 am. He has never “slept through the night”. Sometimes I get sad or jealous or angry about this – but I’ve noticed that the only time I feel those things is when I compare myself or my situation to others and feel like I’m “supposed” to be doing something different. When I embrace our situation for what it is – our life – I feel fine about it. Even good about it. Every few months I think I’m ready to nightwean but even that makes me a little unsure or sad because I know it would involve some tears and frankly, I don’t know that I’m ready to not sleep next to my little at night. A few months ago I was ready to night wean, but then we started talking about having another baby and I realized “oh my gosh, my baby won’t be my baby forever” and I just haven’t been able to entertain the thought of night weaning yet. It’s so nice to hear from others who know what it’s like. I love the feel of my little boy breathing and sleeping next to me. It’s a joy, even when it isn’t fun 🙂

    • “It’s a joy, even when it isn’t fun.” Perfectly stated. I know exactly what you mean about not letting that time go. It passes too quickly anyway. The only thing I would add is that, for us, night weaning has not meant total weaning. We have continued to nurse past 2 years old even when they are done waking at night to nurse. Thanks for commenting!

  8. I’ve been very blessed with babies that do sleep and it is not something I take for granted. We keep a bassinet in the bedroom until the baby is too big for it and then they move to the crib in their room. I’ve never had a baby in the bed nor do I want to. One because our bed is too small and two is because I’ve just always had the philosophy that the marriage bed is for the couple and is to be respected by kids. I keep our bed made and there is no jumping or rough housing on mom and dad’s bed. I honestly keep our bedroom kid free with regards to toys, books, and blankets as possible. They are always welcome to come snuggle in the morning. Every family has to do what is best for them. =)
    Natalie recently posted…31 week updateMy Profile

    • Natalie, I could have written your response! I, too, have never had my kiddos in our bed for pretty much the same reasons! I am also a terrible sleeper and have sometimes resorted to sleeping in the living room while my husband, who can sleep through a tornado, sleeps in the room with our little. I do, however, think there is no ‘right’ recipe for the topic of co-sleeping/ sleep training. Just like you said, whatever works for the family is what’s right! I’m glad you were brave enough to reply b/c it helped me speak my feelings too… which I’m not sure I would have done otherwise. Whatever you choose, happy sleeping to all and God bless!

    • I completely agree about each family doing what is best. I have close friends who really wanted to co-sleep and tried it, but they just weren’t getting enough sleep. I do get that. As for the marriage bed, I suppose to me babies have just always been an extension of that love my husband and I have for each other. It seems totally natural to welcome them into our bed. BUT I understand that other people take a different stance. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

  9. Love this post. We don’t sleep train our children either. They all have ranged from high needs sleeper to best sleeper ever. I learned a long time ago not to complain about sleep because I really didn’t want (or need) to hear about how I should be sleep training. Something that did help was to realize a few things 1) this stage would not last forever 2) God gave me this temperament of a child for a reason 3) instead of complaining I will use this time for prayer. I pray for those couples that wish that they could complain about a lack of sleep. My oldest was 2 before he STTN. He is now my earlier riser and gets breakfast going in the morning for our family. He even puts out my prayer book and rosary in the morning on the table. Don’t give up hope mamas that are in the trenches. It can and will get better.

  10. Yes yes yes. Very well said, my friend. My first was just like Gianna in the sleep department and it was HARD. I often wished I believed in sleep training because I was so painfully tired with all his nighttime needs.

    I remembered my mom attempting to sleep-train my little brother when he was a year or so old because he was an awful sleeper and SHE was painfully tired. He cried and screamed for so long and so forcefully he vomited. It brought the entire household to tears to hear him cry so dreadfully. That feeling never left me and I never was able to let my babies cry. Whenever I hear a child crying anywhere, that feeling resurfaces in me. It makes me wonder if that experience stuck with my brother in some subconscious way.

    That said, all three of my other kids have been 100x easier in the sleep department, and I bet if I attempted to “sleep train” it would work much more like the books suggest it will. However with Daniel, the experience would have been more like yours and my brothers.

    There is something so incredible to be said for a mama’s instinct and knowledge about her own individual children. That connection is so divine.

    • I do wonder what would have happened if I had tried to sleep train the other kids. Aliya and Zeke were much better, Gabriel was pretty tough.

      That story of your brother makes me so sad. I feel the same way about hearing sad babies. I will do anything in my power to help them stop crying!

  11. Great post. We came home from the hospital with our first, I laid her in the pretty wood bassinet and she cried immediately. I knew what type pf mother I did NOT want to be, but was really clueless of what type of mother I wanted TO be. At that moment, I knew; I would be the mother I wanted to be by listening to my instincts. I picked her up and laid her in bed with us. All seven of our children have slept with us with the theory that we wanted the most amount of people in the house to get the most amount of sleep and that’s what worked for us.
    Jenny recently posted…Gratitude Affirmations: RedMy Profile

    • “…the most amount of people in the house to get the most amount of sleep.” Brilliant! It took me a long time to trust my parenting instincts. For better or worse, I was always looking “out there” to see what others were doing. When I gained some confidence, I also gained joy. Our family is happier now that I worry less about what other people are doing.

      • I appreciate your reply, it’s something I really needed to hear. Although I trusted my instincts when they were babies, not looking “out there” as you say, I have forgotten to trust my instincts now that I have teens. UGH! This has caused some problems and I wasn’t even sure where to start untangling them until I read your reply this morning. I need to go back to trusting my instincts.
        Jenny recently posted…Gratitude Affirmations: SpringMy Profile

  12. emily floyd says:

    I love this!

    It’s so important for new moms to know that experienced moms do this & it’s okay & their kids do not sleep with them until they are 18. We have always co-slept (3 kids-preg with #4!), and it’s one of my most favorite things about babies. All of our kids have been different, but our two eldest now share a bed & 9/10 stay in that bed all night. I love that my kids know they can come to us any time day or night, after a nightmare or just needing a cuddle!

    I feel like I get a lot of great one-on-one time with my new babe during the night, even if we’re just sleeping/nursing, because with older kids, I can’t just sit on the couch all day loving on my baby like I could with my #1. At night time it’s just mom, dad, and babe. <3

    • Oh, yes. Cozying up with baby is one of my favorite things. When I was working, it helped assuage some of the guilt and anxiety I felt over leaving my babies, too.

      I had a lot of terrible nightmares as a kid. My parents always allowed us in their room when we were scared. Granted, I was sleeping in a crack at the bottom of their waterbed so it wasn’t exactly comfortable, but I felt safe and protected. I want to give that to my kids. For my older kids, they know that the futon is available to them if they are scared and need to be close to us. It’s a good solution for our family.

  13. Michaela – question about naps. How do you manage naps? Do you sleep with them for naps? I can’t for the life of me figure out how to get my 7mo to nap apart from in my arms in a dark room or in the car. I have a 3yr old, so having her nap like that is not a feasible arrangement. I rock her to sleep, move her to the crib and she sleeps for maybe 20min and then is crying. She is also a light sleeper and I have tried the white noise machine and it doesn’t seem to make much difference. She can’t seem to get over the initial sleep cycle. Wearing her in the Ergo is not feasible as she is super easily distracted and doesn’t fall asleep easily in there. She sleeps in a pack & play next to our bed at night and sometimes ends up in our bed. But nights are fine, I have no issues. I do have issues though with a super cranky child who hates napping during the day, but gets so overtired without them. Thanks!
    Marie recently posted…It was SpringMy Profile

    • Oh, Marie. I’m so glad you asked this question. My youngest is not a great napper, and in fact sounds quite a bit like your baby! Have you read The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley? It has some helpful advice. I think the biggest key is that baby can’t fall completely asleep nursing. It can take a few tries before it works, but I used it with my older kids to successfully get them to sleep a little longer. It’s time to start with with my youngest. Is it terrible that I’ve been using her as an excuse to get a few minutes of rest time?

  14. I totally agree with all of this. yeah, I would like my kids to sleep til I have my morning coffee, because even me getting up to pee in the morning usually wakes someone up..and…it…sucks…..but it’s worth it. Love this post….if just for reassurance. 🙂

    • That is one thing I really wish were different about co-sleeping. I can’t get up before the baby! Or… do I secretly love it because I am a night owl and any excuse to sleep in is acceptable? 😉

  15. Ah so familiar! LOVE this post. I am reposting this on my site. We had a similar experience with our Firstborn and ‘Ferberizing’. I finally looked at him and said “you have till Christmas”. He slept like a dream on Christmas Eve.
    Maryruth recently posted…Can Moms be be Smart and Good-Looking Too?My Profile

  16. I enjoyed reading this and getting your perspective. In some ways, we do something similar. My baby is 9 months and we bed share. He had an arms reach cosleeper and would sleep in that occasionally, but always ended up with us when he wanted to nurse in the middle of the night. Now he can start off the night in the crib (which we have side car’d next to our bed) and then he can crawl into bed with us if he wants or I bring him in when he wakes up. Often happens when we get into bed a few hours later–I think he can sense when we come in, even if he’s in a deep sleep. Thankfully, we are able to put him down before us, because he needs that early bed time. It took patience/some frustrating nights, but we realized he got cranky/sleepy around the same time and when he was finally ready to sleep, he could be put down and left alone. After 6ish months he still does. My husband got good at putting him to sleep by baby wearing! We never tried the “cry it out” method. Establishing that (flexible) routine has helped a lot, especially since I work and he is with babysitters a few days a week.

  17. This was written so well, Micaela. You conveyed your story and views beautifully! It’s very edifying to me to read stories from mamas who love and care for their families 100%, even if it’s different from the ways in which I love and care for my family 100%. Thanks for sharing this!
    Theresa recently posted…Keeping it Quick and Random (please don’t forget about me!)My Profile

  18. Yeah my doctor told me it would only take a few nights too, and it took several weeks before our oldest stopped crying for hours. I hated it, but I had to do it because I had to work and I was also unable to shake a virus I caught on the first day back at work. So my dh did the night parenting while I tried to sleep. The other 3 all slept with me for the first 8-10 months. I say, do whatever works.
    Connie Rossini recently posted…Were you there at the crucifixion?My Profile

  19. Thinking back to my son when he was younger, I think we sleep trained him, but it felt quite fluid and flexible. It helped he slept through the night from 5 months old. Up to that point it was 3-4 hr sleep a night for me and my girlfriend. Not pleasant, but you get on with it.

  20. *nods head vigorously*

    very similar to my experience with my firstborn. And I hate when people say that infants are manipulating, it really perplexes me how they could think that!
    Christie recently posted…16/52My Profile

  21. Nearly in tears after reading your beautiful, straightforward post and all the echoing comments! So nice to know we’re not alone!! I can’t count how many times I’ve found myself tired and questioning my instincts–and sometimes swearing in the middle of the night to myself that “That’s it! We are sleep training!” But when it comes to it, I realize–it’s just not us! We’ve tried on occasion, and it just doesn’t suit. I did run across the Dr. Gordon night weaning method a few months back, and I think I’m about ready to do that with our 20-month-old who is now big and quite a mobile sleeper and keeping me awake in the wee morning hours wanting to suckle… once all his teeth are in we’re doing it, I think! He starts in his crib, but every night of his life ends up in our bed at some point. Funny, too, our Gabriel has been the difficult one! At three he still rarely sleeps through, and I wonder if it’s because we were more insistent about trying to get him to sleep in his crib at a younger age because I’d gone back to work?! Anyway, we still let him climb into bed with us in early morning hours, or we go sleep next to his bed on a floor cushion. I think it’s about doing whatever it takes as one of your other commenters said to get the most sleep possible for us all! And keeping perspective as well if we can that it’s a season and we can find a way to make it through!! Thanks for posting on this! 🙂
    Elisabeth recently posted…Mind Organization for Moms (M.O.M.)–Initial Thoughts and ReactionsMy Profile

    • I’m so glad it resonates with you. I know many women struggle with this. Personally, I don’t like to talk about it much because it seems like one of those things where people seem to think that if you decide to do it this way then you’d better just deal with it and not complain. But really it is hard, in a good way, of course. Dying to ourselves in service of others is a wonderful gift. But it does help to see how not-alone we are. Thanks for commenting!


  1. […] with Kara’s book, I also read a very thought provoking post over at California to Korea, Why We Don’t Sleep Train. I left a comment for Micaela and reply struck me profoundly. In it she says, “Brilliant! It […]